his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
