So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
