I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize