Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
you never un-have a 4some
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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