I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
