you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
