Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
God, I missed his penis.
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