saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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