at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
