Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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