when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
