She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I fill condoms, not promises.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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