the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
