You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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