what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
