Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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