There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Barsexuality is the new black.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
