I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
be right there i have to get my cape
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
