You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I wish I only lived at night.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You smell like stripper and shame
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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