I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
