Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize