Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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