if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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