R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
