I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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