I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
