Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
