I'll bet she douches with gravy.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
