Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
