I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
