she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
