A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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