I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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