Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
