If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
