o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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