Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
