Cold hands, warm shart.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
