Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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