Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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