Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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