just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
