Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
