Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
