Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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