with your own penis?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
