3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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