Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
