he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
