Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
