Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
