just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
