Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
