My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
