She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
