tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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