Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
try to milk me bitch
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