Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There's always time for handjobs
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
