are you still at the devil's house?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
