We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
