I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
