based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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