dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
