Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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