now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
