im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
