'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
