New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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