$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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