I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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