she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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