I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
