We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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